Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't deserve a penis
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
