Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
