He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
