Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
