please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
