Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
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He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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