The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
These tits shall not be calmed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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