I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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