Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
