How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
