I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
