I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
