If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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