hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
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My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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