Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
