Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
