it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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