I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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