Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
