she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
