I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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