it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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