just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
