if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
