wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It was confusing and full of hummus
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just pee around me
Randomize
