I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
