i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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