Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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