nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
