Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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