I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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