he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Randomize
