Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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