I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
