I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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