my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
