woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
