I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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