I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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