can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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