shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
