Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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