So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
