Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
