yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
