You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize