WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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