hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
