i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
