I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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