I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
