i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
