so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
