Me. At least after what I've been through.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
