Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
