Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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