please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
