Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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